Monday, June 30, 2003
Here at BestWorst we thought we've teased and tantalised you long enough, with tales of silly marriages and 'the like'. So to make up for all our fannying about, here are some pictures of the hottest female stars of stage and screen (and sound) TOPLESS! That's right, just for you! The BestWorst reader! Enjoy these TOPLESS female hotties!
And who could forget, luscious Britney!
Wowee! Who loves ya Baby?!
(Answer: BestWorst, of course!)
Sunday, June 29, 2003
We've had another splendid entry in the 'move-your body-like-an-animal' contest! (Shit! It's upgraded again, from a competition to a contest! Whatever next? A three day event?)
Thanks to Mr Dingbiscuits who states his point, thusly!
"Hello Mr Best and Mr Mr Worst ... or should I say - General Von Stickleback and Rear Admiral Cuttlefish?
No? I shouldn't? Fair enough. Anyone could have made that mistake.
If I were one of the Animals, I would be Alan Price. I would move in a rhythmic, but slightly spastic, jerking fashion due to my innapropriate arousal at having got a song about a knocking shop on top of the pops ... which, come to think of it, almost sounds like a new show in its own right.
Top of the pops knocking shop, eh? I bet that dirty mare christina aqualung would be in there - and one true voice ... well, they've got to be good at something, poor souls.
Anyway, once I'd had enough of moving like that - I'd move out of the band altogether because of a terrible fear of flying.
I have pretended to draw you a picture. Cheers, dingbiscuits."
He has indeed!
Right, you have only 4 more days to get your entries in... What animal would you move your body like? R Kellely wants to see a girl move like a snake - which is fine AS LONG AS THE SNAKE IS OVER 16 YEARS OF AGE.
Email BestWorst with your ideas!: firstname.lastname@example.org
Saturday, June 28, 2003
Stefan Dennis Appreciation Weekend...
... Continues apace!
Anyway, it's time for a quick look at Mr. Dennis' pop career...
It began with a veritable BANG! (Or it least would have, had Stef had an explosions or slamming doors in his songs, maybe if he had, I wouldn't be doing this now.) The now infamous video to Don't It Make You Feel Good had Sweaty Stef in a flasher's raincoat, walking through the rain (do yuo see what they've done there? Do you see?) whilst also perving at girls and ending up in a sort of locker room place. Hey - don't get shirty that it isn't crystal clear, we were only 8 when this came out, so it's a wonder that, what with all the deadly drugs we've taken, we can remember anything.
'That' song crashed into the hit parade (as it was known then) at the perfect number 16 spot - back then of course, that was a perfectly respectable chart position, and there wasn't even a whiff of The Dumper! That song then hung around for 7 weeks, before it eventually left the top 75.
This Love Affair was released on 1st October, 1989, charted at number 67... and then promptly slid into oblivion. (Well maybe if he'd been singing about more wholesome things like monogamy and baptism he wouldn't have done so badly! - Puritan Ed.) To mark the passing of a pop career, even shorter than D-Side's, please, pray silence for a minute, and think about the mark this mighty man has left on our brains.
Also, have a look at this silly picture we made up!
Ooh, so mean, so moody, so unemployed!
Stefan Dennis Appreciation Weekend... will continue tomorrow!
There's a website you know...
... Called Clare Flynn Boyle goes Pop! (Clare' real surname isn't Flynn Boyle, but it's far to complicated to explain why.)
Anyway, they've started something called:
The Stefan Dennis Pay It Forward Campaign!
From the website:
"According to the Australian Age Newspaper today, an English guy has started a cult of kindness, where he finds lonely old blokes in pubs and kinda like buys them a pint. His name is Danny Wallace, and he thinks he's doing a good job. I say we can do better here! I say we can pay something far more important, ahem, forward. We hereby launch the Stefan Dennis pay it forward campaign. If you read this message and have a website, we want you to mention Stefan Dennis in some way and leave a message here. It's a simple scheme, we want to see where it takes us."
On hearing this in BestWorst Crescent, we almost choked on our bagel! (No, that's not a euphemism for anything.) So happy as ever to oblige in
STEFAN DENNIS APPRECIATION
As they state on Clare Flynn Boyle goes Pop!:
We won't rest until the name of Dennis is out there again...
A wiser word has never been spoken.
Friday, June 27, 2003
... Have you done for me lately?
Name that (this) (terrible) band!
It's really very simple.
Even for you, Fairycakes!
Thursday, June 26, 2003
... Have I done to deserve this?
Flipping, and indeed, heck! We've had another entry in the current BW - you know the one, it's got that catchy title about moving your body like an animal. Either, the BestWorst readership are all pervs intrested i nothing but beastiality... or they just have over active imaginations... Because Mandy_flaps has stepped up to the ochy... with this offering of beautiful human/animal interaction!
"Wah gwan? (as the young people say) If I were able to move like an animal it would be a cross between a cat (cos they're slinky and can climb trees), a bird (oh to be able to fly) and a dolphin (cos they swim well and look like lots of fun).
As you know I'm computerally retarded and don't have photoshop so I'm giving you artistic liscence to do what you like!
Do you see what we've done! It's a Flying Cat Fish! We think our Mandy will be suitably impressed! Mandy also runs the website called... well it used to be called The Real Flaps... and now it's simply called Flaps-Flaps-Flaps!
WARNING! It can be very good. (You can also navigate yourself there by going to our 'Links Galore' section!
Don't forget, the animal movement competition is still on - shit! It's upgraded from a quiz to a competition without us even noticing! Email your ideas to: email@example.com
Here at BestWorst we're happy if one person emails in in response to a question - or, you know, if someone leaves a comment in one of the comment boxes. BUT!
We've had four - 4! - responses to the qustion "If-you-could-move-your-body-like-an-animal-what-animal-would-it-be?" Catchy, eh? The newest one is the barmiest yet... The one on Earth known merely as... York Pete has contacted us to say:
Although I have been a regular reader for a while this is the first time I've written to you, how exciting! In answer to your which animal would you like to move your body like quiz thingy, I'd like to be a kitten please! Kittens are ace because they can do everything. They can stand on just their back legs and wave their front ones around in the air, they can squirm about on the floor whilst having their bellies tickled and they can jump on and off quite tall things. They can also hide in tiny gaps by squirming their way in (although they can get stuck) and everybody loves them and thinks they're very cute! In short they are BEST.
So I'd like to be a kitten! I've done a picture in paint of what I'd look like as a kitten, they're actually my lips, nose and hair!
How authentic. It looks a bit scary but I didn't have photoshop, sorry!
love, yorkpete x"
Judge for yourself:
BestWorst is glad that you lot are so bloody bonkers... because by comparison, it makes us look normal! Ha!
Keep your entries coming to... firstname.lastname@example.org
By the way (or btw in teenage girl net-speak!) YorkPete has a website... I think it would be quite rude if you didn't pay it a few visits at least: YorkPete
Wednesday, June 25, 2003
Well the site isn't fixed...
But hey ho, life goes on... and... Yowzers! We've had another entrant in the snappily titled "how-would-you-move-your-body-if-you-were-an-animal?" quiz. Richard... famous in his own right, as he went to school with H from Steps has spoken... And he spake thus!
"Hiya!!!!! In answer to your question If I could move my body like any animal it would be a bunny. If you were a bunny you could hop and see high places, shake your furry tail as you dance, see everything in the dark and you get to have vicious teeth and claws to get people with. You also get to look all cute an innocent, but you're not really as Bunny's are evil.
(I was originally going to say I wanted to be a dog, but then I saw how Jenny Frost moved and thought I better think of something else.) Chee-Ars!"
He too drew an animal... he drew this
Thanks for that Rich, and remember, have a think about what animal you would move your body as for out R Kelly themed quiz! The best one will win a prize,which you'll be able to hold in your sweaty and clammy little hands!
Richard is the proud owner of the following website... Here at bestWorst we heartily endorse it... so go there you stinking pig-dogs! The address is... H From Steps went to My School! Go! Go! Go!
W A R N I N G
BestWorst has learned of a giant bird that has been roaming both cities and the countryside looking for its next victim (read:next meal). It is at least 5 foot high, with a large orange beak, beedy eyes, and huge wings - which it is reported can break a man's leg with a slight flap.
Please alert BW if you think you've either seen the hideous creature, or if worse still it has attacked you, or a loved one...
Stay Clear of this bird... and Stay Safe!
S T O P P R E S S (Or whatever it is you say regarding this interweb whatsit)
BestWorst, ever vigilant and concerned for you, the reader... has come into posession of a photo of the winged beast attacking a poor helpless old man... It is truly disturbing, but we feel you should know what you are looking out for.
Don't say BestWorst hasn't warned you.
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
What was the name of that Creek again?
No, not Jonathan.
Anyway, as you can see we're experienceing what is known in 'the trade' as technical difficulties. The kind Mr. Lowculture sent us some CGI gubbins, so that we too could show you a different randomised picture in the top left hand corner each time you log onto BestWorst.co.uk...
Alas, because it is a banner, it stretches across the whole of the top, as opposed to staying in its top left hand corner box, like a good logo.
Any ideas? If you can help/solve this machiavellian crisis, we would be forever indebted to you, give you lots of credits on the site and may even give you some nice prize! Which is nice! Yes it is!
Leave your techno-tronic solutions in the comment box, or send an email to email@example.com
... Told you you could do it like this?
Unprecedented levels of BestWorst viewer Interaction!
Entrant (oo-er Missus!) number two arrived today...
The ever-fragrant (apart from when she's just done a poo) Karine writes with this story and picture of what animal she would move her body as, a la R "Don't call me 'our'" Kelly says in his new song.
Says our Kar: Hi! I think if I could be any animal it would either be the amazing duckbilled platypus which was thought to be loads of animals sewn together when a dead one was found.
Or a monkey, which already seams to hold an uncanny resemlence to myself. Why? Because living swinging off trees and eating bugs out of friends fur seems like the ideal life to me.
i dont have the artistic skills o Fairy Cakes, but heres my attempt.
Well done you! Remember, if you often spend hours whiling away time, imagining what animal you would move your body as... then email BestWorst! firstname.lastname@example.org You lot are BRILL!
Guess what I forgot!
Sunday, June 22, 2003
In less than 5 hours, BestWorst has been inundated with literally one email! It was the ever delightful FairyCakes who is replying to the R Kelly esque question:
If you could move your body like any animal... what would you choose?
"Hello! If i could move my body like any animal it would be a pengiun. Why I hear you ask? Why a waddling bird that can't fly... I don't know actually. It makes good chocolate, but otherwise it can't fly which was my main aim. Oh well....i've drawn the picture so i'll go around that.
I can glide under water, visit the fish theme park and buy balloons and generally have a good time. Plus i'm friends with pingu... What more could a bird want!"
What more indeed, well done FC! Here's her fantabulous picture of herself sort of cross bred with a Penguin.*
What a weird bird girl hybrid, eh?!
Think you can do better? Maybe you can, maybe you can't. Either way, we'll be the judge of you... email what you'd like to move your body like, to:email@example.com - pictures gratefully received!
*NB. Never try to cross breed with any kind of animal, it is sick. Sick and wrong.
Ahhh, R Kelly...
What does he look like in that hat, eh? It's so big he could be hiding something underneath... like
He's rubbish really isn't he. Anyway, when not hogging the Uk Singles Chart hotspot for 4 long interminably boring weeks keeping the likes of both Girls Aloud and S Club from their rightful positions at the top...
... he can be found writing songs using similies. (That is, he uses like or as to mean something else - Grammar Ed.) His new one is called: Snake as in "Move your body like one".
And now to draw the whole rambling thing together:
[blind date question]
:: If you could move your body like any animal, what would it be?
[/blind date question]
Send your answers to firstname.lastname@example.orgThe best ones will be illustrated and the bestest one will win a prize. A Prize!
Thursday, June 19, 2003
Sonething strange is happening...
... More than usual, anyway. Jonny, from Jonny's Site, got in touch with BestWorst to say:
"What is up with your blog? It's all
An uroboros trying to pleasure himself. Yesterday
Well thanks for what they call ' heads up' in America, Mr Jonny man, and thanks for the picture of a uroboros... we don't know what's going on, we're just as confused as you are.
Go to Jonnys Site for all things on the lovely young ladies appearing at the Eastbourne tennis tournament and soon, Wimbledon. And also for all the excellent work in the field of Elisha Cuthbert / The delectale but dumb Kim Bauer.
Oooh, that Zbornak thinks he knows Everything...
... and to be fair, a lot of the time he does.
A while back, when not talking about Jessica-bloody-Fletcher for 30 seconds, he managed to described his lust for his new Gameboy advance thing. One of the reason that it was so damn good, was that it has a backlit screen, thus allowing for under-the-sheets, night time play, making you feel like a naughty school boy/girl* delete as applicable. He described this as the 5th Best feeling in the World... however, old Zborney forgot to mention the others... so here they are!
:: Realising that your hands are going to be glued together, forever!
:: Going pot-holing and being the only one in your group to survive!
:: Giving a Grandparent up for adoption for the first time!
:: Getting a telegram asking you to be an extra on '999,' signed by Michael Buerk and Juliet Morris!
:: Finally finding a surgeon who will graft real rabbit ears onto your skull!
:: Discovering that the left side of your body is Pharell Williams!
:: Winning your second Pulitzer Prize!
:: Having an allergic reaction to Shitake mushrooms, causing heart sghaped lesions all over your body!
:: Learning how to swear in Swahili!
The definitive list, we're sure you agree!
*Only don't, as this is my blog and you goons aren't deleting anything off it!
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
Hello. We're the Singh family.
And the kind people at BestWorst have allowed us to advertise our services on this very webpage - bless Vishnu a thousand times! We are here to promote the Singh family funeral parlour, here's our tagline:
"Get singed with SINGH!"
This is us on holiday somewhere, don't we look happy!
For a small fee, you can be assured that your loved one will enter their version of the afterlife in the best possible hands. And boxes.
We Singhs have been burning your rotting corpses for years, and we've never once ballsed one up. Apart from that nasty 'Diana' incident. Anyway, that still gives us a 99% success rate! So if it's a bit of Suttee you're after for the wife, once you've died, then we'll be your Sweep! (-er upper of her hot ashes).
We've said it before and we may say it again:
"Get singed with SINGH!"
Thank you for listening, may your non-Indian souls rot with the torment of a ten thousand demons in their boxes somewhere.
Sunday, June 15, 2003
Right you dirty little fexers...
The fanschmabulous fifth installment in the BestWorst newsletter WILL drop:
Tomorrow! (Monday 16th June for those on the modern 12 month style calendar... I believe it will be the gardtttex the 455gy in the slightly less common Druid Aliance version).
While you all salivate yourself to sleep... here's another top picture of next years' must have fashion accessory...
Friday, June 13, 2003
Now, we here at BestWorst understand that you, the public have been polluting your britches over our recent no show.
In a few days normal (i.e. baffling and often quite wrong) service will be resumed.
For now, we would like to placate you with a picture of two dogs wearing next season's fashion accessory must have...
Monday, June 02, 2003
Sorry for the delay... but it's I today!
What could possibly be THE BEST for the letter I?
It's Iceland (the country)! Hooray! So why is it so damn BEST?
Well, it can look like this!
But on the same day elsewhere it can look like this!
Also, Iceland is home to BestWorst favouritest woman that we've never met (but would like to):
Everything she touches, turns to wonderousness. All of her sonic and video output is phenomenal forward thinking, often futuristic aceness. God she's great. We've never really understood why people don't like her... although personally we like to think that she's just too damn fine for some of the more pikey luddites out there! Hey ho, you can't win them all!
Honourable Mentions: Ice Cream >> Italy >> Internet, The.
Ooooh, it's evil WORST time, for the letter I.
It's Iceland (the shop)! Boo, hiss etc.
So why why why why? Please tell me whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... and so on.
It's because the one they all call 'Mum' is always going there.
What a cow.
Dishonourable Mentions: Iglasias, Enrique & Julio >> Ian Beale >> 'I Believe I Can Fly' by R Kelly.
Hmmm, quite a weak I WORST we concede.
Oh well, at least S Club's 'Say Goodbye/Love Ain't Gonna Wait for you' swansong wasn't held off the top of the charts by R Kelly's 'Ignition'.
Wait a minute, HE DID! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa, scream, cry, boo, hiss etc.
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